Rio (2011)

Directed by: Carlos Saldanha
Written by: Don Rhymer, Joshua Sternin, J.R. Ventimilia, Sam Harper
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway
Rated: PG

"Rio" is a bit like a Faberge egg, pretty and glittering with a completely hollow inside. One crack of that egg and it becomes all too apparent how little substance is supporting all of that style. Once again Hollywood has banked on the kiddies being wowed by the pretty lights, sweeping into the corner any suggestion of delivering a script with messages other than believing in yourself and the power of friendship conquering all. Been there, seen that.

Like "Happy Feet" and "Finding Nemo", our central character is an anthropomorphized animal who struggles with limitations that his brethren do not. In this case it is a blue macaw, ingeniously named Blu, who has never learned to fly. One of only two of his species left in the world, as a chick Blu was captured by smugglers and by sheer luck fell into the lap of a little girl named Linda.

Now grown up, Blu finds himself more of a human than a bird, snug in his little bookshop paradise in Minnesota and completely uninterested with the animal world. Best friend of the rather sad Linda, Blu is content in drinking hot chocolate and keeping Linda blissfully unaware of how lonely she really is. But when an Brazilian ornithologist named Tulio convinces Linda to bring Blu to Rio de Janeiro to mate with the other of the two blue macaws, he finds his world upside down, and much like a fresh college graduate he must face the challenges of real life.

The story touches on themes of conservation and the dangers of poaching and smuggling, though unlike films like "Wall-E" in doesn't make a point of truly addressing the importance of the topic. Instead they focus on Blu's romance with the spunky macaw Jewel and Blu's own insecurities. The villains are smugglers, and a dastardly, vicious bird named Nigel, but they're all too hapless to be frightening and too dumb to be entertaining. More than anything else they're simply a nuisance, slowing down Blu's attempt to get back home to Linda and into the wings of Jewel.

The film somehow assembles a cast of A-listers, including Jesse Eisenberg and Anne Hathaway as the stars, though their voice acting does little to keep up with the zippy, meandering plot. I suppose the idea of a quick and painless paycheck was reason enough for those two, George Lopez, Jamie Foxx and will.i.am to sign on to the project. Actually the latter two give the best vocal performances of the bunch, particularly will.i.am, who I could foresee having a lucrative future in the business. Most of the rest, however, give lackluster performances with don't lend well to the lackluster plot.

Where the film does excel is in the exuberance of the art direction. There are some clever action moments, but mostly the filmmakers were smart in placing the story in a city for vivacity and during Carnival. The setting lends itself to catchy tunes and a pallet of eye-popping colors. Like "Happy Feet" these birds love to sing and dance, mostly samba, and the choreographed computer work is entertaining.

That doesn't make up for its script which could easily have been penned by a 4th grader, nor does it negate the lack of a memorable villain, solid climax or any sort of organic flow to the plot. "Rio" relies more on energy, pop culture references, and enough jungle-themed jokes to make one gag, than it does on a solid structure. A straightforward story reeks of summertime fluff, and this is about as fluffy as they come.

2/4

Tombstone (1993)

Directed by: George P. Cosmatos 
Written: Kevin Jarre
Starring: Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer
Rated: R

Is it bad that I would recommend this film on the stipulation that the editor cut out all scenes involving women or its star, Kurt Russell, whenever a scene involves him speaking? If that isn't bad then yes, see this film. As it stands, however, no small amount of patience is needed to endure Russell faking a bad boy, gunslinger persona with the most godawful mustache a costumer could inflict, or the numbing melodrama vomited forth from a slew of highly incompetent actresses. Thank God for Val Kilmer is all I have to say.

The days of the Spaghetti Western are long since dead, and they don't need any more dirt heaped onto their graves. Camp and cliche are all well and good, but not in a genre which I hold dearly and that doesn't get nearly as much love as deserved. A simple yet effective true story of a retired lawman and his brothers ridding the town of Tombstone from a renegade band of miscreants, headed by two big names could have punched a heartbeat back into the Western (the early 90's was good to them, think "Dances with Wolves" and "Unforgiven"). The lack of gravity and clear vision finally trumped the solid story.

We begin with Wyatt Earp (Russell) and the brothers Earp (Sam Elliott and Bill Paxton), who move to Tombstone with plans of making big bucks in the shiny world of business. Wyatt bullies himself into the attention of the mayor and the local sheriff, and soon a red scarfed gang known as the Cowboys have their eye fixed on him and his family.

Wyatt is going straight, he tells us over and over. But that mustache and that duster say otherwise. They say this is a man who has applied a badge to his chest and uses it to justify his violent actions. In my mind their is something rather pathological about soldiers or security guards or policemen; it certainly takes a specific type of man who willingly puts himself into harm's way, and Wyatt seems to relish in it. A hero? Hardly. More an outlaw with immunity.

But of course Wyatt can't be presented that way. This is the rootenist, tootenist, shootenist town in Arizona, and of all of the men in Tombstone who flaunt about their phallic substitutes at least one of them needs to have us morally sympathize at some level. Not to worry, though. Director George P. Cosmatos (haven't heard of him? Yeah, me neither...) makes sure to sledgehammer our sympathies into us with one excruciating love story with actress Dana Delany. The only thing worse than her acting in her film is her overbite.

She is just one of far too many women here who feel it is in the film's best interest to make sure that every scene is their scene. Frankly, I'm surprised most of them even allowed other people into their shots. Paula Malcomson as Wyatt's sister Allie chewed up the scene in the worst sort of way. Her 101 acting skills had no place being in the same film as Charlton Heston. Please gals, leave it to the gents.

What a revelation Val Kilmer was. I never really took him seriously as anything more than a handsome face, but behind the character Doc Holliday, an alcoholic sharpshooter dying from tuberculosis, he is a juggernaut. Of  course, a great deal of credit must be given to screenwriter Kevin Jarre for penning a genuinely interesting and creative character. A sort of genteel, Southern gentleman, Holliday struts about a calm suaveness wielding a crackling wit.

This is a man's film in general, make no mistake. Fast, precise bullets, drinking, smoking, gambling all fit that great American rubber stamp of the self-made, man's man. In that regard it is a lot of fun. I tried not to take things too seriously, because in the end is there really all that much to analyze about the O.K. Corral shootout? Multitudinous historical inaccuracies aside--and miserable acting from a far too large section of actors put grudgingly aside--"Tombstone" nearly manages a recommendation.

2/4